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Expectations
It’s never a bad idea to hold ourselves and others to higher standards. Striving for “the best” is a worthy goal. But extremely high (or unrealistic) expectations are sometimes followed by disappointment. One small example: How many times have you dined at a trendy new restaurant, only to end up disappointed when your meals fell short of the rave reviews you’d read? At the same time, if you expect more from other folks than they’re able to give, you’re bound to feel letdown at some point. Or, as Anne Lamott put it, “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” Sometimes what we want isn’t directly in line with what is available…
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The right balance
“Good relationships are built on mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual effort.” ~Mona Sutphen Friendship experts suggest that “imbalance” is often at the root of relationship trouble. If a relationship feels off, it helps to consider what could be out of balance. Am I talking more than listening? Do I take more than I give? Am I initiating social activities or just waiting for someone to call me? Do I compromise or insist on controlling things? We all have times when we fall short of being present in the ways people need us. Then again, sometimes we expect more than others are able to give us. All said and done,…
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Silly presents
“A friendship can weather most things, and it can thrive in thin soil. But it needs a little mulch of notes and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often, just to save it from drying out completely.” ~Pamela Brown A few years ago, after a painful surgery on my eyelid for skin cancer, a dear friend brought me a lovely “care package” that touched my heart more than words could express. I’ll never forget the morning she showed up at my door with that gift. That same friend was injured in an accident earlier this week, and as soon as I learned about it, I started shopping for a care package.…
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Being neighborly
“All will concede that in order to have good neighbors, we must also be good neighbors. That applies in every field of human endeavor.” ~Harry S. Truman Whenever I need company, I don’t have to look beyond my own neighborhood. Here, it’s easy to find enough friends to host a book club or a potluck, or meet for an impromptu lunch date. And there’s always someone willing to water your garden and gather your mail while you’re away. Over the years, we’ve gathered for graduations, weddings, block parties, Neighborhood Watch meetings, and funerals. We’ve built a community. “How do you know so many of your neighbors?” someone asked me recently. The…
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The gift of receiving
Excerpted from my book of published columns, Writing Home, this essay was first published in Chicken Soup for the Soul (Healthy Living Series) and reprinted in Catholic Digest, April 2007. It was also featured on Sirius Radio. THE GIFT OF RECEIVING A few years ago, when I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in both hips, I read everything I could find about coping with chronic pain and illness. I was amazed at how often I’d stumble on a paragraph that advised patients to “look for the gift in your pain.” Pain is a gift? Thanks, but no thanks, I’d mutter to myself. I had just turned 44 and hadn’t planned on slowing…
