Self-care
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Putting yourself last?
“Sometimes you have to put your own needs first, even if that doesn’t please others. You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” ~Shannon Olson When I was younger, I often placed the wants and wishes of others before my own — even in matters as simple as choosing where to go out for dinner. Like other women I knew, I allowed myself to remain stuck in second place. Everyone else, it seemed, had greater needs, better ideas, or bigger problems to solve than I had. Even if someone gave me “permission” to put myself first, I felt guilty when I did so. Thankfully,…
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Undersharing
“Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: ‘Who has earned the right to hear my story?’ Even if we have just one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky.” ~Brené Brown There are times when I face challenges that I’m not comfortable sharing with many others. As tempting as it can be to seek out other opinions, or even emotional comfort, I first need to get a handle on those issues myself. Back in…
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When you need time out
“I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.” ~Audrey Hepburn The holidays are in full swing, giving us plenty of opportunities to gather with others. And that’s not a bad thing. Current research shows that maintaining an active social life is essential to our physical and mental wellbeing — right up there with exercising and eating healthy meals. Spending time with friends lifts my spirit and helps dispel my worries for a while. But as much as I enjoy good company, sometimes I get overwhelmed by other people’s energy. That’s…
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Everything you love
“I am all the things I have ever loved.” ~Toni Morrison, American author Last year I coached a journaling workshop titled List Yourself. As the title suggests, we filled our journals with lists of all kinds — favorite films, accomplishments, pet peeves, people who’ve inspired or helped us, places we’d like to visit, and so on. The practice of list-making might seem simplistic at first, but it can lead to profound self-awareness and discovery. If you make a list of all the things you love, for instance, you’ll see a life-affirming self-portrait taking shape on the page — just as today’s quote suggests. Furthermore, if you’re feeling blue, listing your…
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Be kind to yourself
“I dreamed I called you on the telephone to say: Be kinder to yourself.” ~Adrienne Rich, poet and essayist In her hit song, “Harshest Critic,” Allison Ponthier asks: “Why is ‘being good to myself’ for someone else?” and “Who’s the harshest critic in the room?” I think we all know the answer. Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves. On one hand, constructive self-criticism can be helpful at times (though a true narcissist would disagree). Most of us learn from our mistakes or oversights when we’re willing to admit them and repair the damages. We can grow from the soil of what went wrong. But if we get stuck…
