relationships
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Love and struggle
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It’s an active noun, like ‘struggle.'”~Fred Rogers Relationships of any kind will evolve, change, and reshape themselves. In the early stages, we tend to idealize a new partner as well as our new friends. But who on earth can live up to our highest expectations — all of the time? The longer we know and love someone, and the more we grow, the more likely we’ll encounter a few obstacles, conflicts, and disappointments. Sometimes we’re called to struggle with a crisis together, or we need extra support to handle a problem or a challenge. Fragile relationships won’t withstand the stress — but the…
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Forgiveness
“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.” ~Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre Responding to a recent “Life Lines” post about bad habits, a subscriber confided that giving up grudges is on her list of resolutions this year. We agreed that forgiveness is essential to our wellbeing — but not so easy to put into practice. Everyone struggles with grudges, emotional wounds, and petty grievances. But as Anne Lamott writes in Traveling Mercies, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” Forgiving people who hurt us doesn’t necessarily mean that all of those damaged relationships will return to…
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Make a note of it
“In this era of email and voice mail and all those things that I didn’t grow up with, a plain old paper letter takes on amazing intimacy.” ~Elizabeth Kostova Yesterday I found a hand-written thank you note in my mail slot, delivered by the husband of a neighbor who’s still recovering from joint-replacement surgery. I had dropped off a container of chili at their home a week earlier, knowing how hard it is to cook meals when you’re barely able to walk. This dear neighbor had extended the same kindness to me when I was recovering — and I certainly didn’t expect her to write a thank you note. Nonetheless,…
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Confiding
“But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely.” ~Dinah Craik, British novelist It’s always wise to weigh our words carefully before we speak. We don’t want to spread harmful gossip. We don’t want hurt or offend anyone. And given today’s volatile political climate, most of us wisely avoid discussing hot-button topics when we’re unsure of someone else’s viewpoints. That said, I was thinking recently about the gift of knowing a few trusted friends with whom I can speak freely about any topic. When…
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Anniversary musings
“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche Last month, Doug and I celebrated our 42nd anniversary. During a celebratory dinner at a local restaurant, our server asked us if we’d share the secrets of a long and happy partnership. She was living with her boyfriend, she said, and wasn’t sure about their future together. Doug and I assured her that the success of a marriage depends on the couple — and every couple is different, of course. For us, shared values and interests are essential,…
