Personal growth
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What we remember
“Memory fades, memory adjusts, memory conforms to what we think we remember.” ~Joan Didion When you repeat an old story at a family gathering, your parent or another relative might say, That’s not exactly how it happened. In my memoir workshops, we spend a fair amount of time discussing how memories are altered over time. Quite often, our recollection of an event is different from someone else’s, especially if the story involves a perpetrator and a victim. This idea applies to humorous stories as well as traumatic ones. Some of us might believe that a particular experience — or how we remember it — defines who we are. But as…
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Gratitude
“Of all the practices, I believe that learning to feel and express gratitude may be the most important in achieving and maintaining a happy life.” ~Andrew Weil, M.D. Are you counting your gifts, advantages, and blessings? Numerous studies show that keeping a gratitude journal on a daily basis will improve our life satisfaction within three weeks. You need only list a few items — and they don’t have to be major. Small pleasures add up to a big increase in contentment. Consider the taste of your morning brew, the fall colors on your morning walk, or the lovely handwritten note you received in yesterday’s mail. Record your gratitude list at…
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Be kind to yourself
“I dreamed I called you on the telephone to say: Be kinder to yourself.” ~Adrienne Rich, poet and essayist In her hit song, “Harshest Critic,” Allison Ponthier asks: “Why is ‘being good to myself’ for someone else?” and “Who’s the harshest critic in the room?” I think we all know the answer. Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves. On one hand, constructive self-criticism can be helpful at times (though a true narcissist would disagree). Most of us learn from our mistakes or oversights when we’re willing to admit them and repair the damages. We can grow from the soil of what went wrong. But if we get stuck…
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It’s OK if you’re not busy
“If nothing’s working for you, if you feel as though you’re pushing forward against the grain, the most productive and proactive thing you can do is nothing. Nature is turning you inward, to gain power through peace, rather than outward to gain power through activity.” ~Martha Beck Sometimes I feel ashamed if I’m not being productive, even on a vacation. I still try to check my email and answer it, or take notes on projects I could work on later … Even if I’m only spinning my wheels, I want to believe I’m accomplishing something. I’m simply following the cultural norm. “I’m busy” isn’t just a catchphrase, after all. Most people…
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What we don’t know …
“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” ~Robert J. Sawyer Years ago, an old friend had a humorous expression he’d repeat at exactly the right moments: “What you don’t know, you don’t need to know.” These days I find myself remembering that phrase more often. In a recent class, for instance, we discussed how some social media users reveal unattractive aspects of themselves in their posts — usually without realizing how silly, self-absorbed, or unhinged they might appear. Before social media, we had fewer opportunities to witness this type of behavior so immediately in our relationships. Today, oversharing is the norm. It’s one of…
