Friendship and relationship advice
-
The art of the apology
“Apologies require taking full responsibility. No half-truths, no partial admissions, no excuses, no rationalizations, no finger pointing, and no justifications belong in any apology.” ~Cathy Burnham Martin I admire people who know how to apologize. Admitting an error takes courage, and is never a sign of weakness. It might feel easier to preserve your dignity by kicking your mistakes under the rug and acting as if they never happened. Or blaming someone else. Or making excuses. But refusing to admit you screwed up comes across as arrogant or uncaring — and makes you look small. Worse yet, it could also damage a relationship beyond repair. Apologizing requires maturity, class, and…
-
Undersharing
“Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: ‘Who has earned the right to hear my story?’ Even if we have just one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky.” ~Brené Brown There are times when I face challenges that I’m not comfortable sharing with many others. As tempting as it can be to seek out other opinions, or even emotional comfort, I first need to get a handle on those issues myself. Back in…
-
Luminosity
“Look carefully around you and recognize the luminosity of souls. Sit beside those who draw you to that.” ~Rumi Other people’s moods — and viewpoints — are contagious. In fact, there’s a clinical study suggesting that we become like the five people with whom we spend most of our time. (This might explain why so many married couples and lifelong best friends actually resemble each other.) According to this theory, if your spouse and peer group are serial pessimists and complainers, you might be one too. It’s also likely that you share the same political views. Psychological studies aside, I’m always drawn to folks who spread their sunshine and draw…
-
Love defined
“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Long before the first chocolate truffle was invented, poets and philosophers have tried to describe the meaning and essence of love. While I’m not in the habit of sprinkling Bible passages in my conversation, today’s quote remains the very best definition of love I’ve ever found. In…
-
The whole cookie
“Every healthy relationship is a feast of affection and giving for both people; not one receiving crumbs and trying to convince themselves it’s enough.” ~Shannon Thomas It’s nearly impossible to be part of an extended family or any type of social group without experiencing a few relationships that are off-balance in some way. You know you’re in a one-sided relationship if you’re consistently making efforts for another person but getting only “crumbs” in return. Balanced relationships make us feel seen, nurtured, and supported. They’re built on a level foundation of giving and taking. As today’s quote suggests, we’ll have more of these relationships if we offer our loving care and…
