Friendship and relationship advice
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The right balance
“Good relationships are built on mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual effort.” ~Mona Sutphen Friendship experts suggest that “imbalance” is often at the root of relationship trouble. If a relationship feels off, it helps to consider what could be out of balance. Am I talking more than listening? Do I take more than I give? Am I initiating social activities or just waiting for someone to call me? Do I compromise or insist on controlling things? We all have times when we fall short of being present in the ways people need us. Then again, sometimes we expect more than others are able to give us. All said and done,…
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Emerson’s golden rule
“As we are, so we do; and as we do, so is it done to us. We are the builders of our fortunes.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Emerson is one of my heroes. A champion of self-reliance, this American essayist and lecturer had little sympathy for those who blamed their problems on other people or outside circumstances. He was ordained as a Unitarian minister in Boston in 1829, so it’s not surprising to hear echoes of the Golden Rule in today’s quote. (“In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” ~Matthew 7:12.) Emerson believed that personal responsibility is empowering. When we hold ourselves accountable for our…
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An invitation
“A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal herself or himself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.” ~David Whyte I love the way poet David Whyte reminds us that “real conversation” invites an honest exchange between people. But thanks in part to social media platforms, we often talk at each other — mostly about ourselves and our own interests — rather than with each other. When was the last time you were invited to reveal something about yourself? How often have you held a conversation in which the other person asked how you’re doing … and paused to…
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Living large
“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine.” ~Marianne Williamson When I was a kid — before the Internet was born — I was told that it was rude to brag or boast in public. In those days, “nice people” stooped to avoid casting a shadow on others, and it was impolite to talk about yourself too much. When I earned good grades or won a contest, for instance, I learned to share the news ever-so-discreetly with the folks closest to me. Or I kept it to myself. Years…
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The gift of receiving
Excerpted from my book of published columns, Writing Home, this essay was first published in Chicken Soup for the Soul (Healthy Living Series) and reprinted in Catholic Digest, April 2007. It was also featured on Sirius Radio. THE GIFT OF RECEIVING A few years ago, when I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in both hips, I read everything I could find about coping with chronic pain and illness. I was amazed at how often I’d stumble on a paragraph that advised patients to “look for the gift in your pain.” Pain is a gift? Thanks, but no thanks, I’d mutter to myself. I had just turned 44 and hadn’t planned on slowing…
