Friendship and relationship advice
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Hearts of stone?
“Whatever you want emotionally, you have to start giving away.” ~Mary Karr, memoirist According to Dr. Lindsay Jernigan, a clinical psychologist quoted on PsychCentral.com, the term “emotionally unavailable” refers to individuals who are “not comfortable feeling their own emotions, sharing emotions with others, or being present and responsive to someone else’s emotions.” Emotionally unavailable people don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. We might describe them as prickly, distant, aloof, or unapproachable. And that doesn’t mean they’re unworthy of our affection — but they’re probably not the first ones we reach for when we need a dose of comfort. We all know a few folks who qualify as emotionally unavailable…
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What we don’t know …
“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” ~Robert J. Sawyer Years ago, an old friend had a humorous expression he’d repeat at exactly the right moments: “What you don’t know, you don’t need to know.” These days I find myself remembering that phrase more often. In a recent class, for instance, we discussed how some social media users reveal unattractive aspects of themselves in their posts — usually without realizing how silly, self-absorbed, or unhinged they might appear. Before social media, we had fewer opportunities to witness this type of behavior so immediately in our relationships. Today, oversharing is the norm. It’s one of…
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Deep roots
“True friendship withstands time, distance, and silence.” ~Isabel Allende During my recent bout with COVID-19, I had to cancel all social plans until I recovered. Being in isolation for nearly a month was hard, but I was cheered by the “check-in” messages from friends and neighbors who worried about Doug and me. Sometimes I took car rides while in quarantine — just for a change of scenery. Driving back home through my neighborhood, I got to thinking about all the friendships I have within blocks of my home — friendships that have grown richer through shared history and experience for more than 30 years. Even when I don’t see these…
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The heart of the matter
“When you love someone, you love the whole person as he or she is, and not as you would like them to be.” ~Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina Most of us idealized love when we were young. If we were raised on fairy tales, for instance, we imagined marrying the perfect partner and living happily ever after. At the same time, we also held our friends and family members to impossibly high standards, and were disappointed when they didn’t behave like the best friends or families portrayed on TV sitcoms. As we mature, we discover that real love isn’t always picture-perfect; sometimes it gets as messy or as complicated as real…
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The feeling is mutual
“We really have to understand the people we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step It’s February — and I’ll be posting lots of good thoughts about love this month. But I like to think of “love” as an all-encompassing word that wraps its meaning around so much more than romantic relationships. Today, Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us that real love means honoring the humanity…
