Friendship and relationship advice
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The gift of your attention
“Nothing you can give will ever be more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Truly being with someone, and listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event, is the ultimate compliment.” ~Marc Chernoff, Marc & Angel Hack Life At this point in December, I’m usually preoccupied with holiday stress. As Christmas draws closer, I wake up with a chorus of elves reciting a mile-long “to-do” list in my head: When are you going to finish your Christmas cards? What will you bring to the Christmas Eve party? What else do you need for the Christmas morning brunch you’re hosting? Have you overlooked anyone on your…
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The company we keep
“Tell me with whom you associate and I will tell you who you are.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe When I was a kid, my parents discussed the importance of choosing friends who were a positive influence — the sort who stayed out of trouble and earned good grades in school. My folks understood that our peers help shape who we become — nearly as much as our parents do. My mom often repeated the old adage, “You are judged by the company you keep.” In other words, if your friends are serial trouble-makers, you might look like a willing accomplice. Much later, when I became a mother, I made a…
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Life without Facebook
“The biggest problem is that Facebook and Google are these giant feedback loops that give people what they want to hear. And when you use them in a world where your biases are constantly confirmed, you become susceptible to fake news, propaganda, and demagoguery.” ~ Franklin Foer This year I’m celebrating eight years of Facebook sobriety. Once I quit, my emotional wellbeing, social life, family relationships, and productivity all improved. I started reading more, writing more, and enjoying the simple pleasures I had overlooked while I was scrolling for social media updates. Though I wrote this Oakland Press column a couple of years ago, its message still applies today —…
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Trust
“The most precious thing in this world is trust. It can take years to earn and only a matter of seconds to lose. It’s important to keep trust at the forefront of everything you do.” ~Lolly Daskal, for Inc. Earlier this month, I celebrated the birthday of a close friend I’ve known since junior high school. Growing up, I spent so much time with her family that they called me “one of our own” — an honor I treasure to this day. Like all great friendships, this one is built on a history of many happy memories and a few hard times. And mutual trust. In the car recently, I listened…
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Nobody wins the waiting game
“You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ~A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh Someone I know often complains that she rarely hears from some of her old friends and relatives. They’ve stopped calling to invite her out for lunch and other social activities. She’s sure she hasn’t “done anything” to deserve this neglect. Why have these people gone dark on her? Well, she’s right about the part where she said she hasn’t done anything. When I asked if she ever reaches out to initiate activities or simply keep in touch, she admitted that she rarely does. She…
