Friendship and relationship advice
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The gift of your attention
“Nothing you can give will ever be more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Truly being with someone, and listening without anticipation of the next event or what you’ll say next, is the ultimate compliment.” ~Marc Chernoff, Marc & Angel Hack Life As Christmas draws closer, I’m usually overwhelmed by holiday stress. Every morning, I wake up with a chorus of elves reciting a “to-do” list in my head: When are you going to finish your Christmas cards? What will you bring to the Christmas Eve party? What else do you need for the Christmas morning brunch you’re hosting? Have you overlooked anyone on your gift list? That’s…
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Abundance
“Love is something that if you give it away, you end up having more.” ~Malvina Reynolds For years I’ve been fascinated by the “law of abundance,” and I think there’s something to it. In a nutshell, the theory suggests that if you act on the belief that there’s always plenty to share, you’ll attract more good things in your life. In other words, the more you give — whether it’s love, time, money, attention, or produce from your garden — the more you get back. Conversely, if you’re miserly or overly protective of your own resources, you’re less likely to attract an abundance of anything. And if you keep taking…
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The company we keep
“Tell me with whom you associate and I will tell you who you are.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe When I was a kid, my parents emphasized the value of choosing friends who were a positive influence — the ones who stayed out of trouble and earned good grades in school. My folks understood that our peers help shape who we become. With that in mind, they often repeated the adage, “Be careful with whom you associate, because you’re judged by the company you keep.” When we became parents, Doug and I made a point of getting to know our son’s school friends. We encouraged them to spend time in our…
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Magical thinking and rash assumptions
“If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that sometimes our assumptions and preconceived notions are wrong, and therefore, our interpretation of events is incorrect. This causes us to overreact, to take things personally, or to judge people unfairly.” ~Elizabeth Thornton, Scottish author of historical fiction As every great magician knows, audiences interpret everything they see and hear through the filter of their own experience and beliefs. Sometimes they see and hear only what they wish to see and hear. It’s sobering, really, when you consider how easily any situation could be misjudged or misunderstood — or taken personally. For instance, you might wonder if friends are angry…
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Social studies
“The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” ~Esther Perel, author and psychotherapist Yesterday, Doug and I toured the Ford Motor Company’s brand-new world headquarters in Dearborn with a couple of friends we’ve known since our college years. The grand opening of the building was crowded with attendees, making it hard to fully appreciate its impressive architecture. But the real highlight for me was spending the afternoon with our old friends. Lately I’ve been seeing more articles on the benefits of nurturing an active, in-person social life. Medical experts report that people who socialize regularly are healthier — and live longer. An active “social life” also includes…
