Civility and manners
-
The words we wear
“Words are the clothing of our thoughts.” ~Jonathan Swift “Watch what you say!” my mother used to scold. Like most kids, I wasn’t born knowing how to filter insensitive remarks. Children are notorious for expressing brutally frank opinions on everything they notice, from bad breath to obesity. It’s our responsibility as adults to teach our kids social skills — including civility and diplomacy. There’s a delicate line between “candid” and “tactless,” after all. These days, too many grown-ups think it’s fine to blurt whatever comes to mind. Watch any political debate, and you’ll probably agree that most candidates have perfected the dubious art of the blatant insult. If speech is…
-
A Thanksgiving conversation primer
“Real conversation can’t happen if listening is just my waiting for you to finish talking.” ~Alan Alda Our social lives took a huge hit during the pandemic. We celebrated birthdays with drive-by parades, limited our holiday gatherings to small family bubbles, and even Zoomed memorial services. Now that our lives are back to near-normal, we look forward to gathering around our holiday tables with friends and family. We’re also rediscovering how to talk to each other after long periods of semi-isolation and social distancing. Not long after the pandemic eased, a friend confided that her social skills suddenly feel a bit “rusty” — especially when she meets new people at larger parties or work functions. No wonder.…
-
Black hole relationships
“Because we fear other people’s reactions and don’t know how to respond, we allow them to violate our limits and boundaries.” ~Sue Patton Thoele Is there a person at work or in your social circle who resents or dislikes you — despite your best attempts to be thoughtful and kind? Are you putting more into a one-sided friendship than you’re getting out of it? Do you ever wonder why some personalities fit together and others simply don’t click? If so, you might find some validation in my essay on “black hole relationships.” It’s excerpted from my essay collection, Writing Home, and is featured this week in Friendship Rules. Click here to…
-
When “I’m sorry” isn’t enough
“If one by one we counted people out For the least sin, it wouldn’t take us long To get so we had no one left to live with. For to be social is to be forgiving.” ~ Robert Frost If you’ve ever offended a grudge-bearer, you know exactly how it feels to be unforgiven. The error you committed is chained forever to your ankle, and your relationship with the grudge-bearer is compromised, to say the least. Many years ago, I deeply disappointed a family member by forgetting to attend a Sunday dinner she’d invited my husband and me to attend. Stressed and way overbooked at the time, I had forgotten…
-
Listening skills
“One of the benchmarks of great communicators is their ability to listen — not just to what’s being said, but to what’s not being said as well. They listen between the lines.” ~ Laurie Buchanan, author I’ve always been interested in how communication works — or doesn’t work — in our daily lives. Good listening skills are as essential to healthy relationships as good talk. Thankfully, I’m married to a guy who’s an outstanding, empathetic listener. (That’s him in the background of the photo above.) More often than not, however, I notice that other people are so focused on what they want to say next that they aren’t really listening to…
