Civility and manners
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Insensitive remarks
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.” ~Calvin Coolidge All of us are guilty of blurting insensitive remarks or sharing information we shouldn’t — usually without realizing it. We might say something off the top of our heads without thinking how someone else might interpret it. It’s easy to get tangled in our own verbiage — and it takes a heartfelt apology to smooth things out. To paraphrase Maya Angelou, people might forget exactly what you said, but they’ll always remember how you made them feel. In today’s quote, we’re reminded that it’s wise to weigh our words carefully before we set them free. Or keep…
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Getting over ourselves
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” ~Rick Warren Socrates said that “the unexamined life” isn’t worth living. But self-absorption isn’t such a good thing, either. Self-absorption can be a symptom of living in fear or uncertainty — or spending too much time alone. And there was plenty of that going on during the first year of the pandemic. Thankfully, we’re finally stepping outside our comfort zones to renew our sense of community. When we stop obsessing over our own worries and problems, we open ourselves to others. We start paying attention to what’s going on around us — not just within us. It’s a big…
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The words we wear
“Words are the clothing of our thoughts.” ~Jonathan Swift “Watch what you say!” my mother used to scold. Like most kids, I wasn’t born knowing how to filter insensitive remarks. Children are notorious for expressing brutally frank opinions on everything they notice, from bad breath to obesity. It’s our responsibility as adults to teach our kids social skills — including civility and diplomacy. There’s a delicate line between “candid” and “tactless,” after all. These days, too many grown-ups think it’s fine to blurt whatever comes to mind. Watch any political debate, and you’ll probably agree that most candidates have perfected the dubious art of the blatant insult. If speech is…
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A Thanksgiving conversation primer
“Real conversation can’t happen if listening is just my waiting for you to finish talking.” ~Alan Alda Our social lives took a huge hit during the pandemic. We celebrated birthdays with drive-by parades, limited our holiday gatherings to small family bubbles, and even Zoomed memorial services. Now that our lives are back to near-normal, we look forward to gathering around our holiday tables with friends and family. We’re also rediscovering how to talk to each other after long periods of semi-isolation and social distancing. Not long after the pandemic eased, a friend confided that her social skills suddenly feel a bit “rusty” — especially when she meets new people at larger parties or work functions. No wonder.…
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Black hole relationships
“Because we fear other people’s reactions and don’t know how to respond, we allow them to violate our limits and boundaries.” ~Sue Patton Thoele Is there a person at work or in your social circle who resents or dislikes you — despite your best attempts to be thoughtful and kind? Are you putting more into a one-sided friendship than you’re getting out of it? Do you ever wonder why some personalities fit together and others simply don’t click? If so, you might find some validation in my essay on “black hole relationships.” It’s excerpted from my essay collection, Writing Home, and is featured this week in Friendship Rules. Click here to…
