approval seeking
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Find your own shoe
“The shoe that fits one person pinches another. There is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” ~Carl Jung, psychiatrist and author There’s something called the theory of social comparison, which suggests that comparing and contrasting ourselves to our peers is key to our identity. Social comparison helps us form or solidify our values, preferences, and feelings of self-worth. If our friends or favorite celebrities are wearing a particular style, for instance, we’re likely to mimic or mirror it — whether we genuinely like it or not. This explains, in part, the dubious trend of spending top dollar for ripped jeans and painful footwear. Things get even more complicated…
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Asserting vs bullying
“The practice of assertiveness: being authentic in our dealings with others; treating people with respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways, in appropriate contexts.” ~ Nathaniel Branden, psychologist While most of us understand the concept, “assertiveness” isn’t always easy to practice. For some of us, being assertive can feel uncomfortable — even when it means standing up for ourselves or asking for what we deserve. On the other hand, sometimes we allow others to bully us or take advantage of our generosity.…
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Your own footsteps
“It’s not your job to curb or contain yourself in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. You are amazingly worthwhile and capable right now. Not because other people think you are, but because you are in full control of the next step you take.” ~Marc and Angel Chernoff When I was in college, a couple of my professors and an advisor suggested law school after graduation. Becoming a lawyer was a more dependable and lucrative path for my writing and communication skills, they said. Or at least it was more lucrative than working as a journalist or freelance writer. But practicing law wasn’t my career…
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Wear your sparkle
“What other people think of you is none of your business. Judgy criticism often has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Don’t let their drama dull your sparkle.” ~Kris Carr When I saw this gorgeous shepherd at the Clawson Fourth of July parade, I had to snap her photo. The dog’s owner assured me that she didn’t mind dressing up for special occasions — and that she reveled in all the extra attention she attracted in her tutu. She made everyone smile. I thought about all the times I’ve stopped short of wearing something that other people might consider too flashy or over-the-top. I usually dress to…
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Authentic imperfection
“The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.” ~Marc & Angel Hack Life Some readers would never get caught browsing in the “self-help” section. It’s a lot cooler, after all, to tell people you’re reading the last of Thoreau’s essays or Shakespeare’s comedies while you’re finishing a good mystery novel. But there’s a lot of beneficial self-help material out there, in books and online. If, like me, you find that…
