approval seeking
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Got enemies?
“You have enemies? Why, it is the story of everyone who has done a great deed or created a new idea. It is the cloud which thunders around everything that shines. Fame must have enemies, as light must have gnats. Do not bother yourself about it. Keep your mind serene as you keep your life clear.” ~Victor Hugo There’s another similar quote that’s often misattributed to Winston Churchill. It goes something like this: “If you have enemies, that’s good. It means you stand for something.” Popularity is overrated. If you’re living authentically and being true to yourself, it’s nearly impossible to be loved by everyone all the time. But if…
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Gold stars
“Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to give myself a gold star for being ordinary, and maybe one of these days I’ll give myself a gold star for being extraordinary — for persisting. And maybe one day I won’t need to have a star at all.” ~Sue Bender, Plain and Simple Stars are shining everywhere this time of year. In our early grade school years, teachers rewarded our best efforts with gold star-shaped stickers. Remember the delicious rush of achievement you felt every time your test came back with a bright gold star at the top? No matter how old we are, most of us still strive for…
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Courage, kindness, and lawn signs
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” ~Rumi Last month, I retrieved a nonpartisan lawn sign from my garage and placed it near the side entrance of our home. The sign, shown above, simply encourages us to “BE KIND” — a gentle piece of advice we could all use during a terribly divisive election season. But until last week, I swore I wasn’t going to display a sign for a presidential candidate on my lawn this year. I had dozens of reasonable excuses for that decision, starting with the fact that I didn’t want to offend my neighbors with opposing viewpoints. I…
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Putting yourself last?
“Sometimes you have to put your own needs first, even if that doesn’t please others. You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” ~Shannon Olson When I was younger, I often placed the wants and wishes of others before my own — even in matters as simple as choosing where to go out for dinner. Like other women I knew, I allowed myself to remain stuck in second place. Everyone else, it seemed, had greater needs, better ideas, or bigger problems to solve than I had. Even if someone gave me “permission” to put myself first, I felt guilty when I did so. Thankfully,…
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Looking within or without?
“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” ~Anna Freud, psychoanalyst and daughter of Sigmund Freud The world of social media revolves around building a brand and attracting followers. It’s not a solo actvity. Few people I know use social media platforms without hoping to attract, entertain, inform, or provoke an audience, even if it’s just a small one. Without question, it’s fueled by the reward of earning “likes,” validation, and constant attention. As any psychiatrist would tell us, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with that — especially if we’re using social media to build community in positive…
