When “I’m sorry” isn’t enough

“If one by one we counted people out

For the least sin, it wouldn’t take us long

To get so we had no one left to live with.

For to be social is to be forgiving.” ~ Robert Frost

Years ago, when we were young, busy parents, Doug and I deeply disappointed a family member by forgetting to attend a Sunday dinner she’d invited us to attend. Stressed and overbooked at the time, we’d forgotten to write the date of the dinner on our kitchen calendar — so we missed it. Of course, I was totally mortified when our relative called to ask why we didn’t show up.

Doug and I apologized to the hostess. We admitted our mistake. We owned our negligence. We didn’t try to justify it or make flimsy excuses. Since we’re family members, our angry relative couldn’t cancel us out of her life entirely. But in my view, the relationship never fully recovered from the damage. And while I did my best to atone, she never invited us to dinner again — unless we were part of a larger family event or holiday.

I’ve thought a lot about the concept of forgiveness since then. Some folks are fueled by pride-filled grudges, and they won’t forgive you. (Sometimes I’m guilty as charged, too.) Sometimes you have to move on, and the toughest part is learning how to forgive yourself. ~CL