The ordinary instant

“Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant.” ~Joan Didion

It started out to be an ordinary, uneventful Saturday evening. In a few texts, my friend Deb and I had just agreed that we were looking forward to a quiet, cozy evening with our husbands. Nothing special to do. Then, around 6:15, I opened the front door to bring in two packages from the porch. And life changed.

As she often does, our dog Coco followed me to the porch while I picked up the packages. Though Coco isn’t allowed to wander unleashed in the front yard, something caught her eye on the park-like boulevard across the street from our home. It was too dark to see what it was — a cat or a rabbit? — but suddenly Coco bolted off the porch and into the street, just as a car came speeding past our home. 

The driver hit Coco and didn’t bother to stop. And for the past two days, I can’t stop hearing the horrific sound of that car hitting my sweet 52-pound dog. The whole scene keeps replaying in my head in slow motion, like a horror film sequence. I’ve punished myself, over and over, for letting her follow me outside when I picked up the packages from the porch. I keep telling myself things would be different if only … If only … If only.

Doug ran into the dark and found Coco on the boulevard where she ended up — still alive, but stunned and limping. After making a few frantic phone calls, we drove her to an emergency clinic. We were there for several hours while they ran tests and determined that Coco has a hip fracture and some broken ribs. You can’t tell me it’s not a miracle that she’s still alive.

Those of you who know Coco’s story will remember that she is a shelter dog. She’s the angel who rescued me after my mother died, and coaxed me through the long months of grief that followed. No matter what else has been churning in the world around me, including a pandemic and a couple of nasty election seasons, Coco’s unconditional love and friendship have kept me sane and grounded. She has been kinder, gentler, and more compassionate than many humans I know. I love her as much as my family, and owe her so much more.

The clinic kept Coco over the weekend on an IV to ensure she’s stable and over the shock. A veterinary surgical team will decide today if she needs hip surgery; later they’ll call to discuss what’s next for her. I will keep you posted. ~CL