Nobody wins the waiting game

“You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ~A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Someone I know often complains that she rarely hears from some of her old friends and relatives. They’ve stopped calling to invite her out for lunch and other social activities. She’s sure she hasn’t “done anything” to deserve this neglect. Why have these people gone dark on her?

Well, she’s right about the part where she said she hasn’t done anything. When I asked if she ever reaches out to initiate activities or simply keep in touch, she admitted that she rarely does. She waits to hear from others — then feels hurt when she doesn’t. Oddly, it hasn’t occurred to her that her friends and relatives might think she’s neglecting them, too. Or maybe they’re tired of doing all the work to maintain the relationship.

According to U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, M.D., loneliness is a health crisis in America. In his 2023 report, “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” he notes that the lack of in-person social activity leads to serious health outcomes, including heart disease, dementia, and diabetes. Despite our many social media connections, Americans aren’t fully engaging with others in healthy, three-dimensional ways.

Balanced relationships require initiation and effort. Too often, we hang back in silence and blame our loneliness on others. Like my friend, we wait for others to call us. Maybe we fear rejection; maybe we’re too shy or too busy. Or maybe we’re too cool to make the first move.

“Let’s get together sometime” isn’t a social plan. As today’s quote suggests, sometimes we have to venture out of the forest and take responsibility for our own social lives.

Click here to read an article I wrote on how to reboot friendships after the pandemic.