Putting yourself last?

“Sometimes you have to put your own needs first, even if that doesn’t please others. You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” ~Shannon Olson 

When I was younger, I often placed the wants and wishes of others before my own — even in matters as simple as choosing where to go out for dinner. Like other women I knew, I allowed myself to remain stuck in second place. Everyone else, it seemed, had greater needs, better ideas, or bigger problems to solve than I had. Even if someone gave me “permission” to put myself first, I felt guilty when I did so.

Thankfully, age has given me permission to take care of myself first when I need to. Age has given me the self-respect to say “no” without apologizing. Age has given me the insight to see when I’m being overlooked or treated unfairly.

Somewhere between selfless and selfish is a healthy balance. It can get tricky sometimes, because I truly enjoy helping others, especially the people I love. I want to be generous, agreeable, accessible and useful. But here’s one thing I know for sure: When I keep setting myself on fire to keep others warm, I usually end up burning with resentment. That’s not generous or useful to anyone. ~CL