Validation

“Just like children, our emotions heal when they are heard and validated.” ~Jill Bolte Taylor, My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey

I love it when I read a paragraph in a book that jumps off the page and affirms something I’ve always believed — as if its author is speaking directly to me.

Likewise, I have a friend who’s a caring, first-rate conversationalist. How does she do it? For starters, she pays attention and listens with an open heart. She has a rare gift for making others feel heard, uplifted, and validated in her presence. She doesn’t simply wait for you to stop talking so that she can take the floor.

Validation is key to every good conversation — spoken, typed, or written. To validate another person doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with everything they’re sharing. It means that we understand how they feel about the topic of discussion — without judging or advising or criticizing. When you’re listening to a friend in crisis, try responding with phrases such as, “I understand why you feel hurt” or “I can tell you’re worried about that.” ~CL