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What we remember
“Memory fades, memory adjusts, memory conforms to what we think we remember.” ~Joan Didion When you repeat an old story at a family gathering, your parent or another relative might say, That’s not exactly how it happened. In my memoir workshops, we spend a fair amount of time discussing how memories are altered over time. Quite often, our recollection of an event is different from someone else’s, especially if the story involves a perpetrator and a victim. This idea applies to humorous stories as well as traumatic ones. Some of us might believe that a particular experience — or how we remember it — defines who we are. But as…
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Getting over ourselves
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” ~Rick Warren Socrates said that “the unexamined life” isn’t worth living. But self-absorption isn’t such a good thing, either. Self-absorption can be a symptom of living in fear or uncertainty — or spending too much time alone. And there was plenty of that going on during the first year of the pandemic. Thankfully, we’re finally stepping outside our comfort zones to renew our sense of community. When we stop obsessing over our own worries and problems, we open ourselves to others. We start paying attention to what’s going on around us — not just within us. It’s a big…
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Treasure trees
“Some Christmas tree ornaments do more than glitter and glow, they represent a gift of love given a long time ago.” ~Tom Baker When Doug and I became empty nesters, we started scaling back on holiday decorations. Simplifying the season, we banked the mantel with greens and twinkle lights, but didn’t put up a Christmas tree. We’d grown tired of hauling everything down from the attic. But things have changed now that we have a little grandson who’s old enough to appreciate the magic of Christmas. Last year, we bought a new tree and retrieved the ornaments we’ve collected over the years. My favorites include the paper and macaroni ornaments…
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The words we wear
“Words are the clothing of our thoughts.” ~Jonathan Swift “Watch what you say!” my mother used to scold. Like most kids, I wasn’t born knowing how to filter insensitive remarks. Children are notorious for expressing brutally frank opinions on everything they notice, from bad breath to obesity. It’s our responsibility as adults to teach our kids social skills — including civility and diplomacy. There’s a delicate line between “candid” and “tactless,” after all. These days, too many grown-ups think it’s fine to blurt whatever comes to mind. Watch any political debate, and you’ll probably agree that most candidates have perfected the dubious art of the blatant insult. If speech is…
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Redefining “family”
“Family was a bigger word than I imagined, wide and without limitations, if you allowed it, defying easy definition. You had family that was supposed to be family and wasn’t, family that wasn’t family but was….It was possible to lack whole, honest love and connection from family in lead roles, yet to be filled to abundance by the unexpected supporting players.” ~Deb Colette, The Secret Life of Prince Charming The winter holidays traditionally shine a bright light on our family relationships. Sometimes that’s a beautiful thing, and sometimes it’s … complicated. (In yesterday’s post, I shared a column about coping with the loss of loved ones during the holidays.) Whether it’s…
